Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
