hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
