Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
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She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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