I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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