ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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