I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
