Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You ruined the universe
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
