i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
