Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
only you would photoshop your dick
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
