yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
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she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
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THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
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