Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
