I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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