i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
