Capitaan dildo arrescate!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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