Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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