Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
