just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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