420 ftw
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
