Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
