she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
