I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
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Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
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That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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