So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
