I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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