i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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