dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
