btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
