Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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