My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
