I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
