i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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