i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
