my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
