Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
