It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
