um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
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please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
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David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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