Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
