Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
