yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
