we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
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Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
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I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
we're so committed to being not committed
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