we made out on top of his cat.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
