Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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