The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
