umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
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He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
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So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?