Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
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I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
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I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it