I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
