She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
