I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
