the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
