I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
