my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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