whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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