so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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