Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
