Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
someone owes me an orgasm
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I supernannyed him into submission
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
