dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
