I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
