i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Randomize
