i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
