somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
