I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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