there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
