I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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