I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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