I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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