u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
