Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
