I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
