Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
