WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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