Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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